I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
