If i come over, it means nothing
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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