she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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