You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
