just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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