I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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