So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
