i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
