drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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