This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
