Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
