Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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