A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize