Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
