the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
