please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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