i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize