He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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