dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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