hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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