Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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