So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
