I've blown a few things in my day
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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