My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
