i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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