Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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