can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
