So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
