Can Purell be used as lube?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
