Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
