I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
