Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I could fuck to npr.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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