I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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