yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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