i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
