Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
