Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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