the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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