Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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