Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
