he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize