Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
