I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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