Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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