Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
