If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
