And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
