Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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