shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
