if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize