This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
