It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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