ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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