My hand turned me down
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
