i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i out mim tonsoeep
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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