i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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