Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
