Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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