I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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