Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
two words...techno handjob
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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