bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
