I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
