I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
