You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
